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Monday, July 18, 2005

The Whole Story

Bill and I went out to dinner tonight and as an avid reader, he sees what people post about him in the Comments, about how understanding he is, and "How does he do it, because I never could it you were my wife" etc. etc. I tell him the comments I get while at my tournaments, as I hear it every single time I go, at least once a day. How they can't believe that my husband let's me travel and play poker, and enter tournaments.

I know how lucky I am to have such a caring and wonderful husband, but changes must be made because although he IS so understanding, he also has a few issues with the poker and traveling.

As explained to me, they are:

1. The safety concern of my traveling alone.
2. The safety concern of being a woman in the casino/poker atmosphere.
3. The biggest reason: My habit of always "pushing the envelope".

Telling him my schedule, and then changing it to include "one more day" or "one more tournament". Before I leave for a tournament, I tell him what I plan on doing, when I'm coming home, etc. I have a really, really bad habit of constantly pushing it by staying a little bit longer then originally planned, playing another tournament that I wasn't originally planning on playing, etc. It bothers him tremendously, and out of my love and respect for him, we needed to come up with a compromise.

We made an agreement back in January that I was to have the next six months to try my best to make a "run" for the poker goals I had established for myself. I was going to travel every month and end it with the Orleans Open (now in progess). Once the six months were over, I would be done with live tournament poker, and I would play online ONLY.

However, once we discovered I was pregnant, it all changed. I knew I would be stopping for the duration of the pregnancy, with perhaps an exception of the WSOP. (Too bad I'm not still pregnant, then I wouldn't have drank at the WSOP and people wouldn't think I was an

So my tribute to Frank Sinatra was just that, a melancholy tribute to the end of my live poker play. I haven't reached the goals I set for myself, but I'm young. I have plenty of years ahead of me and although I don't believe the end is "forever", I know that I will only try again if I can give it a 100% try. To me, this means not being a business owner, not working, but just becoming a professional tournament player. Once I am able to get my business to the point where I no longer have to be in attendance, then I do believe that I will be "going for it" and have stated as much to Bill.

It will be hard, and I know I've stated "I'm retiring from live play" before (um, that WAS due to the pregnancy Felicia!) and I know I've stated "I'm done with online poker", (I was on tilt that week!) LOL, this is the time where I really do mean it and will follow through with it because Bill and I have reached the compromise and for me to break it would have consequences on my marriage that I am not willing to face or accept.

I love Bill and I respect his feelings so much, that I have no problem agreeing to the compromise, I just know it will be hard since I love the live tournament life so much.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger" isn't that how the expression goes?

See you online!!!


Blogger EC said...

I wish you luck in everything you do ~ whether it be online or live I still think you're a force to be reckoned with!! One day I'm going to have the courage to play heads up with you, lol, although you'll probably take me out in 2 minutes!!

10:20 PM  
Blogger MOM said...

Tanya, I think you're doing the right thing. You may one day push to far and loose more than you bargained for. You have other obligatons right now that need your attention, your business which I want you to grow so you can give me a job, cherissa who is about to become a teenager, God help us, and a husband you probably wants a wife more than a famous poker player right now. You can do it I know you can. And I'm sure that Bill would not object if I went to Kingman for a weekend and I said "come on Tanya lets take a drive to Laughlin" So I think all will work out well. I love You!

8:25 AM  

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